Allison Holker - who raised Weslie, 14, Maddox, seven, and three-year-old Zaia with her late husband - admitted it has been "really hard" to process the DJ's suicide almost five months ago because the Ellen DeGeneres Show star's external image showed no signs of his inner turmoil.
She told People magazine: "No one had any inkling that he was low. He didn't want people to know. He just wanted to be everyone's Superman and protector...
"It's been really hard because I can't understand what was happening in that moment [he died]."
